woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
