my vag is so smooth its legendary
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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