I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
