I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
