i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
