A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm passing your future prison.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize