Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
