you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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