That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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