I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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