I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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