i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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