his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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