Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
