You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
