GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize