Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
