Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
