Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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