why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
