What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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