I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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