i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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