i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
