i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this boner is exhausting
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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