I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
