New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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