In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
