CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
