How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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