So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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