I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
