that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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