I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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