If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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