shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
