I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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