You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
