how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
