Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
