You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
