So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
