Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
