Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize