a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
