she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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