Don't you send me to vm
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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