After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
