3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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