just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
