We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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