he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
