After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
