Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
