their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
