Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
