it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've blown a few things in my day
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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