The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
