I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
