I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
