come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
