we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
