we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
