So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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