whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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