Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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