my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
