Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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