i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
