Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
