Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
