it wasn't lemon gatorade
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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