i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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